Demon Hunter’s Toolkit: Tool #1 - Moral Compass

Ok, so I’ve done some research on demon hunting, and it seems that the first thing necessary when taking on this task is a Moral Compass. I'm not certain exactly what that means. I assume it is some sort of device that points out creatures with no morality, a.k.a. demons.

Maybe the Bible has some thoughts on this. It's all about good and evil, so maybe it will have some ideas about my Moral Compass and how to use it in the good fight. According to Deuteronomy just following my own heart could get me burned. By God. And I think they mean literally. That could be an issue. Maybe I should look someplace else.


President Bush is always talking about fighting Evil. He mentions it in every State of the Union. Maybe he would know how to use a Moral Compass to fight demons. I mean, yeah, the evil he is fighting is more mortal, but the same principles probably apply. Or, maybe not. According to this our President's moral compass doesn't work very well, so maybe he's not the person to ask.

Clearly I'm not getting anywhere. Well, as a child of the mid-seventies, I have but one recourse. According to the web definition search in Google, "A moral compass sets real limits, either intrinsically or extrinsically, upon the actions and words of an individual, generally within an ethical context which may or may not be predicated upon religious beliefs."

Ok. I can get behind that. Limits that are either from inside or outside, based on my religion, or not based on my religion. I think I have that. Limits, I mean. For example, today I wanted to tell the trainer "Learn to speak English. And then, learn to be a trainer. And then, you might want to make certain you're training us on an application we are actually going to use. Oh, and provide coffee so we're not FALLING ASLEEP because you're about as interesting as this." But I did not. Actually, I'm pretty sure he was speaking English but it was hard to tell over my snoring colleagues. I'd say that was pretty good of me not to tell him just how terrible he is at his job.
Or maybe not.
Maybe the moral thing would have been to tell him, make him question the purpose of his life, and force him to give up training in favor of life as a sidewalk artist, thereby sparing hundreds, perhaps thousands of future corporate cogs the mental anguish of listening to him.

Damn. This Moral Compass thing is trickier than I thought. Maybe I'll try the Bhagavad Gita...

Compensate Me, Baby!

Today I am wondering why I am stuck in two days of training for a software application I am probably never going to use.

Oh!--- because I work in Corporate America. Duh…

It’s a weird thing to navigate, really. A large corporation. Such a strange sub-culture. None of us would be here if we didn’t feel that we need money. As far as corporations go, mine is considered (by various magazine rating systems) to be one of the better ones at which to spend the hours between 8:30 and 5. That is due to a number of factors all adding up to what is called in corp-speak your “Total Compensation Package.” Health benefits, 401k, vacation, average salary, etc. Depending on the particular slant of the magazine, it may include how many minorities are in management or the percentage of female worker bees.

And let me tell you, my Total Compensation Package is the only thing keeping me here. My Total Compensation Package does not, unfortunately, fit my Total Personal Requirements for Fulfillment. Not even close. How in the Head Alien’s Universe did I get here, anyway? I was peacefully minding my own business one day when I sort of fell into this job and, uh, stayed. For six years.

The trouble is, I keep having this nagging feeling that there is something else I should be doing that is more important. Like killing zombies and saving the world from evil dictators or catching up on my sleep or something. I can’t quite put my finger on it. You know, I used to want to be an exorcist or a demon hunter when I grew up. Since I have not achieved that goal, I am going to assume that I simply haven’t grown up yet. Yes, I think that version of reality will do nicely. Maybe when I get home tonight I will start working on the demon-hunting thing. I bet the first thing I will need is tools. I wonder what kind of tools I should have. This could take some research.

Hell is Murky, and This Soldier's Afeared

Tonight is S-I-L's 21st rite
So we're all going down
To the 16th-century-proud town,
Where Italians are too dark-skinned
For the inhabitants' comfort,
And local color is something reserved
For Catholic, papist, whores.

For a town so proud,
The establishment’s loud,
And not what one would call
Family-friendly.
But the child will be there
And the parents too,
And the parents too young to be parents.

I have thought of how
To escape and be free
To break my gritted-teeth vow
That I’d be there for tea:

One conveniently supplied by friends turning 30 was
party-and-pool-time in the OH, Hi!-
Oh Valley
...But I won't leave till tomorrow.

The moon just declared, in our endless rapport,
My 28 days are over
And I’m hers once more.
...But I don't think that excuse will fly.

I could have to save
Boyfriend from a crisis
That I and I alone could brave!
...Should probably save that one for Mom.

Stuck at work?
Sprained an ankle?
My cat's glands are swollen?
I need to wash my very long hair?

Alas and alack,
For shame and forbear,
There's no plan of attack
Can keep me from there.
O! Death, can’t you find me?
Won’t you spare me this eve
From an ill-fated supper
That will lead me to grieve?

Or perhaps, that’s too drastic
Simple lies are the best
Like work was too long
And I need some rest.
...*cough*...from... you...