Grilled Cheese

So, I went to the Crystal diner the other night with some friends… and it was odd. Odd because the last time I was there was several years ago, with a friend who is now dead. So I thought I’d blog a bit about Brian. But there really isn’t much to say except that I miss him. I miss hearing him order his favorite meal (grilled cheese). I miss the occasional stutter he had worked hard to conceal. I miss hearing his latest musical compositions. I miss dancing with friends while he played something reminiscent of our national anthem, but with a lot more finesse than the original. I miss sitting in his darkened apartment and feeling like it was night even though the sun was warm and friendly outside; he’d covered every window, every door-crack, every teeny space where sunlight might tiptoe in. I miss watching basketball diaries for the first time while he described for me just what it feels like to do cocaine… and why he wasn’t doing it anymore. I miss the arms that were covered with tattoos he had drawn himself. I miss the sarcasm that was never far from his voice, and the way he’d say ‘whatever, milk-girl’ to shut me up when he wanted to win an argument. (long story) I miss the way he said “tricky” when he realized I was about five inches shorter when not wearing platforms. I miss that he was kind of thin, and that his pants legs were wider than my dress hems. I miss his glasses, his ready smile, and the fact that he always seemed to be laughing. Usually at me, but still… He wrote a book I never finished reading because it gave me such nightmares I couldn’t sleep… and I, for unknown reasons, tend to love violent films & novels. It was really disturbing work, truly artful. They said it was some sort of quickly invading infection. He missed work for a few days and his parents broke into his apartment and found him in bed. And that was that.